new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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