Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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