Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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