yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
