We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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