i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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