Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
