I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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