highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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