I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
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Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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