No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
