"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
