How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
