I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
