sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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