I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
