Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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