I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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