I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
