he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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