I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
