I seem to have left my pride at pride
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
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I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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