I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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