My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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