I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
