FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
