I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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