After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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