why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
