I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
