Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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