I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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