I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
