The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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