It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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