from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You're a waste of cheezeits
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
