If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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