I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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