omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
