just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
