In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Me. At least after what I've been through.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
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Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
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if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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