You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
