I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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