I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
