I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
