glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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