woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I want to be your penis for a week.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
