woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This baby is an asshole
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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