I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
