fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
