You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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