it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
