It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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