If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
