I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
