Say something about gay babies.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
