I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
