He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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