Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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