I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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