Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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