I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
