Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
