More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
