He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
