How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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