oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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