Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
try to milk me bitch
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