is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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