We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
