While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
