at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
