Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
