how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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