FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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