Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
