There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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