Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
