Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
