also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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